10 Easy Ways to Tell if You're an Atheist
"Atheists are Demon-Possessed" (cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward)
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This is nothing new, but it's in the news. I've heard this a million times. A Christian chaplain declared
that atheists are demon-possessed. Their denial of belief in God, as well as the denial of their denial, are signs that they are ruled by Satan. (editorial addition: This cartoon is meant to challenge that stupid idea by pushing it to its ridiculous extreme.)
It's a catch-22 that always terrified me: No I'm not demon-possessed! Well you say that but the demon is blinding you because it doesn't want you to know it's inside you. But I've looked and it's not there. See! That's what it wants you to believe. And even if I claimed I wasn't an atheist, I was called a practical one because I wasn't religious enough. But if you got too religious then that was another kind of demon.
So, in order to be helpful, I thought I would give you 10 easy ways to tell if you're an atheist:
- You can spin your head all the way around on your neck.
- You can bend over backwards and touch your heels with the back of your head.
- You vomit at the mention of Christ.
- You have a tattoo of 666 on your scalp under your hair.
- You are terrified of priests or you mock them.
- You are burned by holy water.
- You wake up to the smell of sulfur in your bedroom.
- You float above your bed when you sleep.
- You find the corpses of toads all around your house.
- You can't enter a church building.
I hope this helps. If this is you, dial 666.
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