10 Pieces of Advice for Ministry Candidates

I figured I would be helpful to those considering going into the ministry, who feel a call to serve the church, who think they might like to become a priest, pastor, or minister. Follow these pieces of advice and I will save you a lot of time. You will be on the fast track to a clerical career:
  1. Stop thinking independently and keep your own thoughts to yourself!
  2. Memorize whatever it is you are supposed to believe. Regurgitate! Regurgitate! Regurgitate!
  3. Agree with everybody and disagree with nobody. Keep your job is job one.
  4. Plan on never changing your mind or having a crisis of faith or morals.
  5. Read a room and totally conform to it. Never rock a boat, even a bad one.
  6. Meet expectations without resentment. You are the composite of everyone's religious fantasies.
  7. Keep about 20 years behind the times.
  8. Criticize everything and everyone who is different from the most popular religious status quo.
  9. If you have a personality, lose it!
  10. If you want out, break any of the above.
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