10 Reasons Why it's So Hard to Leave the Church

church, deconstruction -

10 Reasons Why it's So Hard to Leave the Church

"Addicted to Church" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

10 Reasons Why It’s Hard to Leave the Church

Addictions are hard to break, including church. Some of us already know this. Now, the rest of us will.

  1. Fear: Fear gripped me when I left. Did I leave God and God’s people? Does Satan own me? Am I going to Hell? We learn this isn’t true.
  2. Friends: I lost not all but most friends. We must learn how to make new ones while grieving the loss of old ones. Complicated!
  3. Inspiration: It’s inspiring to gather, learn, and sing together. I got refueled for the next week. Learning how to do that by yourself is a new skill.
  4. Music: I love music. My worship band loved playing together. I haven’t played my guitar since I left nor listened to worship music. Too much “ick”. But time heals.
  5. Support: When we struggled, people helped with food, money, babysitting, cars, prayers. Now we’re self-sufficient.
  6. Destiny: My life had purpose. I had a destiny! That’s gone but meaning is deeper.
  7. Validation: I felt I was doing good. I had assurance I was saved, blessed, and on the right track. Now we develop self-confidence.
  8. Boredom: At first I felt delinquent. Now I love Sunday mornings. Church is like family with 24/7 demands. I’m now self-directed and don’t depend on others to occupy myself.
  9. Children: Our kids are now adults. We never slammed the church with them, but they knew. They also know we’re not enemies of the church. They’ve developed their own spiritualities.
  10. Inclusion: Many think I hate the church. I was criticized for biting the hand that fed me. Now I’m criticized for challenging something I’m not part of. Can’t win!

Do you relate?


1 comment

  • Xavier Robles

    thank you for this Naked Pastor! I was going through a phase of Deconstruction just 2 weeks before this whole pandemic. I now can’t go to a church. This is giving me some time to meditate on my thoughts. And much of the thoughts you have written here are exactly what I’ve been feeling. Especially bullet point 6. Thank you for this.

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