Are You a Deconstructing Wife of a Ministry Husband?

Are You a Deconstructing Wife of a Ministry Husband?

"The Pastor's Deconstructing Wife" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

DECONSTRUCTING WIVES OF MINISTRY HUSBANDS

Deconstruction is the change of beliefs, the loss of faith, leaving the church, or all three.

It's one thing when a couple goes through deconstruction.

It's another when one goes through deconstruction before or instead of the other.

It's still another when the wife of a church leader goes through deconstruction.

I say “wife” because I speak with many women who are deconstructing ahead of or in spite of their ministry husbands.

So, this is about wives whose deconstruction threatens their husbands' ministry.

When the wife of a church leader changes her beliefs, it threatens the stability of the consistent and growing ministry the congregation expects.

When things start falling apart, the wife is accused of backsliding, dishonoring her husband, destroying her family, betraying the church, and denying Christ.

If this is you, this is how I encourage you:

1. Count the Cost: Anyone who deconstructs experiences risk. You too should estimate what the damage will be martially, socially, and financially. Then determine how and how fast to proceed.

2. Keep Growing: I was a pastor but left because of my deconstruction. Either that or stop growing! Your personal growth is most important and necessary. It's your choice how you navigate it.

3. Find Company: Be relieved that you're not crazy, that your spiritual growth is healthy, and that you're not alone. There are many wives going through the same thing!

4. Believe in Yourself: I'm impressed by your integrity, strength, and courage. Many shrink back, justifiably afraid of upheaval, ridicule, and rejection. But you are determined to be your authentic self in spite of the cost.

Once you see that you are amazing, nothing can stop you.


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