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why abusers police how the abused file complaints
"Policing Complaints" cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward
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It never ceases to amaze me how many rules there are for how people who've been abused should act. Especially in the church! You'd think the church would be afloat with ethics for how those in power should treat people and what they should do if they violate those ethics.
But no! Instead, we have an endless list of ethics for how the abused should and shouldn't act, what they should and shouldn't say, and how long they have to do it in.
You're too angry. You're too hysterical. You're too persistent. When are you going to let it go? You should forgive. You're being mean. You say they're trying to silence you but you're trying to silence them. Turn the other cheek. You're bitter. Do you have to swear? That's not very Christian. He hurt you but now you're hurting him so you're no better. You're creating division¬†in the Body of Christ. You're being vindictive. On and on. The endless list of rules on how the alleged abused should file their complaints is astounding. All to silence the victims and survivors.
When victims and survivors complain, they're usually loud. And they're always louder than the abusers. Of course they are. Those in power want the problem to go away. They want everything to be cloaked in secrecy and silence. Of course they're quiet in comparison to their victims!
The policing of the abused is ridiculous! What if the same intensity of policing went into making sure our leaders abided by ethics that prevented people from getting abused. What if we put the same effort into stopping the abuse as we put into silencing the abused? Wow. There's a thought!
It's all about control. It's about keeping the power. Those in power have police to secure and protect their power. This includes policing those who are victims of the system. Not only is protest often made illegal, but it is always discouraged and suppressed.
The swelling anger of the victims of the abuse of power is embarrassing to the church, and those in power would like it to stop. They would never think about stopping the abuse. That would stop it at the source. Instead, they would like to continue enjoying the privileges of power without being constantly challenged for abusing them.
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