Whenever I was exposed to spiritual abuse or inflicted it, the common justification was that it was good for me and good for you.
Every day I see people getting bullied by believers and every one of the bullies say something like, "I'm sorry, but it's not me. It's God!"
I think they genuinely believe that.
But it doesn't matter how you dress it, it's abuse.
I think a lot of theology is created to vindicate the worst in human behavior, including hate.